Does Batman Tweet?
by Mr. Wartburg
Summary: Slight crack fic in which Dick and Wally discovers the hilarity of Batman's twitter account. T for swearing.


**Disclaimer: I own no DC characters nor the twitter account depicted within.  
**

**So while I was working on my follow up chapter for Court is in Session I checked my Twitter account and remembered I'd been following The Batman. Going over the account's old tweets I couldn't help from laughing and as such wrote this little ditty about Robin finding Batman's fake (or is it?) twitter account.**

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_Recognized: Kid Flash B02_

Dressed in his usual hero attire Wally West re-materialized through the Zeta-tube to find a nearly empty Mount Justice. Which was quite puzzling to the speedster given that Rob had texted him only several minutes ago that there was an emergency at the cave and that the team's fleet footed member should get the cave a.s.a.p. In fact the cave was so empty Wally thought maybe the zeta-tube teleported him to an alternate dimension. That had recently happened to Adam Strange when he was fixing the old system, but Wally quickly discounted that theory as Strange had returned and fixed the problem a couple of weeks ago. Trying to figure out what was going on the red head walked further into the cave.

Wally didn't have to walk very far when he heard a familiar noise that told him he wasn't alone in the team's headquarters. Robin's laughter was filtering out from the team's designated "living room", laughter that was growing louder and more hysterical as Wally approached the couch from behind. _Dude, Rob's been laughing since I got here, this my chance to surprise the little ninja!_ _Wait, why am I saying 'Dude' to myself in my head? _Wally thought over his plan of attack and settled on the "tip-toe ever so silently until you get to back of the sofa and jump on top of the person" routine.

"Hey Wals." Wally had made it three steps before Robin's comment stopped him cold 12 feet from the sofa, "And I'm the Boy Wonder, of course I knew you were there."

Giving up the ghost Wally sped over the chair to the right of the couch that Robin was lying down length-wise on.

"So why'd you call me?"

Sitting up excitedly Robin answered his best friend, "I only found the greatest thing ever done online!"

"And that is?" Wally was skeptical of Robin's claiming. There some pretty awesome things online. Things like , , and Rooster Teeth videos were quite stellar and in Wally's mind would be hard to top.

"Batman's twitter account!"

Silence followed Robin's last statement for several seconds before Wally comprehended what his friend had said, "Wait, Batman tweets?"

Rolling his eyes Robin corrected his friend, "No Kid Moron, it's a parody account." Seeing Wally's hurt at his insult Robin felt slightly guilty at the comment, "Sorry dude, this is some seriously hilarious stuff though. Easily the best of all the other fake hero accounts."

"There are more?"

"Oh yeah, there's a jerk Superman one, Flash, and a whole bunch more!"

"A Flash account?"

"Yes, now calm your young ginger ass down and check some of these out. Get on your phone."

After a few seconds of fumbling through his suit's compartments Wally found his smart phone and got on Twitter, "So what the account?"

"God_Damn_Batman"

"Seriosuly?"

"Deadly." Robin snickered as he read another tweet. His inner laugh was disrupted by Wally's loud outburst of laughter.

"Yo KF, which one you read?"

Trying valiantly to calm himself through the fit of laughter Wally answered in his best Batman impression voice, "Robin, if you're tracing that phone call from the Riddler, WHY DO I HEAR 'SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE' IN THE BACKGROUND?"

Robin joined his friend in another found of laughs, but both of their phones went off signaling a new tweet from the God Damn Batman.

"Dude Rob, I'm totally listening to this on the cave's surround sound!" Wally sped off to tee main computer while Robin followed listening to the soundtrack to The Dark Knight Rises that the twitter account had linked. When the Boy Wonder reached the main computer he found Wally hooking up his phone through the speakers.

Finishing his task the speedster looked at his friend in a slightly serious manner, "Dude, is it weird that they make movies about Batman, but not you?"

Thinking quickly Robin smirked before responding, "No, I'm too awesome to be contained in a movie."

"And Batman's not?"

"He's badass, I'm awesome. There's a difference."

"How so?"

"Badass is pretty straightforward, awesome is much too nuanced for film to capture."

Letting out a sarcastic, "Ha, ha." Wally clicked play on the opening track just as the computer announced a new arrival.

_Recognized Batman: A01_

Batman strode into the room with his cape billowing menacingly behind him. Somehow the Dark Knight managed to strike fear into everyone around him, even the good guys. The Caped Crusader stopped in front of Robin, "We need to go now, crisis in Gotham."

Robin looked dejected that he'd have to leave as opposed to listening to the epic soundtrack on the surround sound of the cave, but he stopped short of the tube momentarily, "Batman what does this sound like to you?"

Batman paused at the question turning to look at this partner while the computer read their patterns for transport to Gotham. Listening intently on the music as it played he answered with only one word, "Justice."

And with that the computer whisked the Dynamic Duo away to Gotham City leaving one very confused speedster in the main hall. After all, Batman's "fake" account had just tweeted that the soundtrack sounded like Justice.

Wally just couldn't help himself from asking, _Does Batman tweet?_

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**This was a lot of fun to write and I hope you all check out that twitter page (it's actually the same as Robin said it)! The Dark Knight Rises in 10 (I think) days!**


End file.
